Monday, November 29, 2010

Apologies



These past few days have been insane! I just started working again and my son has been sick. But I just wanted to let the future myself know (for when I read this) that the cat (who shall remain nameless) is doing a lot better and it feels really good to start work again. I'm extremely excited for 2011. I feel like My Love and I are going to accomplish a lot within this next year. I can't wait to be busy with school and work! It's going to feel good to put my brain to work again. Well there's a lot of cleaning that needs to be done around the house so I will catch up with you (my future self) later.

p.s. Our love went to Fremont to visit a school he might be going to next year. How exciting!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

New Year Resolution

Here's our list: (holidays don't count HA)

1. Only ONE cheat meal a week.
2. Alcoholic drinks twice a week for the first three months, once a week for the next three months.. and so on and so forth.
3. We can't waste money on "dumb" things - meaning we can only buy ONE book after reading the last one we bought.
4. We must take school extremely seriously.
5. Oh, we can't put ourselves in situations where we might get tempted to you-know-what.

Baby I forgot the rest...if you remember any you make a new post okay? By the way, I have an entire other list for myself so you can make one too. My last one said "learn how to braid hair," so you can guess that this one has simple and ridiculous things on it as well. I'm gonna brush my teeth now!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Planning Ahead

All I know is a couple months ago I prayed for my life to turn around. The only thing I had was him. Not that i'm complaining or anything (don't get mad, love).. I lacked motivation, inspiration, weed-ation, no, in all seriousness I was going downhill. The plans for my future were non-existant and all I wanted to do was nothing. I'm quickly starting to feel like myself again and getting back to the glorious feeling of self-discovery, love, motivation and planning. I LOVE planning! I want to learn until my brain explodes because it fits no more random facts in it.

Love, remember when I texted you that my cousin and I had that conversation about how we felt like big losers for not doing anything with our lives? I think things started to turn around THEN. I'm so glad I beat myself up that day because otherwise I would've stayed a vegetable. I'm excited for the next few days and for the next few years. I'm proud of you for doing this with me. I'm so thankful that we have someone to share this with.

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for another year of life; by life i mean EVERYTHING that comes with life. I mean, driving with the sun and a bit of wind blowing my hair onto my face, caressing it a little. And i'm thankful for my husband-to-be. I feel like i've learned so much just by these few months i've had him back in my life. He helps me appreciate things that I might've taken for granted in the past; like the fact that I have an amazing family! I'm thankful for my cat, and all of the material things G-love has provided me with (yes, i just said that). I'm thankful for my relationship with Him and i'm thankful for every gift He's given me, the ability to learn..the yearning for knowledge, the musical taste, and the ability to passionately feel human emotions - even the "bad" ones.

I'm thankful that there is such thing as a Thanksgiving and I hope families take it very seriously to, at least one day out of the year, count their blessings. Although that should be done on a daily basis. Love ya'll.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Thursday, November 18, 2010

My eyes like closed blinds

I'm getting really sleepy and i can hear it in your voice that you are too. Goodnight my Love. I will talk to you in the morning. I Love You.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Shrimp Fettucini

Hello, dear. Just wanted to let you know that you are a wonderful future husband, wonderful dad to our son (yes, the cat), and I am excited to do nothing with you around the house. Technically not nothing WITH you, but nothing with you next to me while you're doing nothing.



Hola mi amor, confio en que los dos vayamos a ser padres bastante buenos para nuestros hijos haci como lo somos ahora con nuestro gato. Esos dias que estemos en casa hacienda nada juntos pero bajo el mismo techo los sueno casi a diario y se me llenan los ojos de lagrimas de el gusto y sentimiento que me da con este amor que Dios nos a dado. Siempre te cantaba nuestra cancion cuando no estabas y haci como lo cantaba lo hice. En un barco de papel volvi por ti mi amor, subete y no me dejes ir. Necesito que me retengas.

Feelin extra blessed today

Sometimes I feel like the words that flow out of my mouth aren't mine.. and when I talk and I educate others I feel like i'm educating myself..like I didn't know any of what I just said. Just as its leaving my mouth, my mind is processing it and it feels so new but at the same time it feels like it's been placed in my mind since birth. Like it's knowledge that's stored in there and its up to me to discover and dismantel it and share it with the world.
We are innately blessed with brains and our purpose should be to attain all of the knowledge, and wisdom possible. The time we spend on this earth should be a journey for wisdom, that by the time we die we should have learned so much..about ourselves, about Love and about His Grace.
The thing is, we all have the ability to do this but only some try to achieve it. Those of us who are aware of our mission have a second mission, and that is to bring other souls to G-love's hands..not out of fear or because we want to save our souls, but out of Love for Him.. When you fall in love with someone you want to be with that person forever..it should be no different with our old man up there.. WE ARE SO BLESSED.

On a second note, my cat is sick.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Soft Hello

"Hi Love, whatre doing?" I Love her voice!!! It makes me really happy. "i hate you."........silence "just kidding baby i love you so much".

Side Notes

I think my mom is a great teacher due to the fact that she tought me a lot of what i know so well to the point where i feel like i can now teach her or at least remind her of somthing that she's been overseeing, forgiveness. I love her very much. I also love my Father and Mother in law.

It was amazing talking with Mony today. He's one of those people I never want to lose contact with.

Talking to the Love of My Life is one of my most favorite things to do. I loooooooove conversating wither. I am so thankfull I have her and her Love for me in my life.

Today was an amazing day and i know ill be saying this for the rest of my life.

 Thank you G-Love for everything you have helped me through and given me and for the love you have implemented in my heart and in the heart of all those who accept it.

My phones ringing, its the Love of My Life :)

Friday, November 12, 2010

When we were 'just friends,'

my fiancé used to say "when i have kids, i want you to raise them." He never said the truth, which was "I want to have your babies," he just said he wanted me to raise them. I think that's awesome. Because now I get to raise and HAVE his babies. By the way, we've decided to stop calling each other 'husband' and 'wife' since we are, in fact, NOT married.. yet. And it takes away from how we are going to feel when we ARE married..and we're allowed to call each other that. It's odd to think of myself without him in my life. It's like sticky glue magically appeared between us. Thanks, sticky glue G-love.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

This isn't like me..

I'm not used to planning our weekends days in advance. I'm definitely not used to spending most of my time with the same individual. The thought of it used to make me sick, the thought of having to rely on someone other than me. And I never really gave relationships a chance because the first time I was invited somewhere, like as a couple, was enough to make me realize that I didn't want to be a couple in the first place.
I've realized it's different, though. I mean, we're not like those thirteen year old couples where you have mall dates but your mom comes along, and you try to wear high heels because you feel older.. even though your mom's there. And your boyfriend gives you kisses in front of her and it's completely normal because in Mexico they get married at that age. Whatever. It's not like we're one of those couples, but it's a lot different than i thought. I never thought i would want to spend most of my days with the same boy. I never thought I would invite a boy to family events.. and I definitely never thought I'd go to the Pulga with him in the same car as my parents. It's not about reliance, and it's not about co-dependence. I'm still myself.
I always used to preach to any girl that needed preaching to, (ha) about how you shouldn't rely on a boy.. and you should value your alone time because it is precious and if we can't spend time with ourselves and be comfortable then something is very wrong..and about going after your dreams instead of chasing boys, because they come and go and neither one of them is a reason to get up in the morning. I feel like a big trader because all of this talk about being a single, happy female..i turned out to grow-out of. No, that's not the word. I just found the right person.  and I sincerely hope every girl does..but not before they've learned to love, respect, and depend on only themselves (besides G-love). It's key.

I suppose this isn't like me, but I do like where i'm headed..

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I fall asleep too fast

I really want to read the book my wife shared with me. I mean im itching to read it but i know i wont really get the effect id get if i started it on a fresh brain so ill wait eventhough i really dont want to.
I  feel like everything that comes out of my mouth or will come out or leaves the tip of my fingers and on to my phone is mean and i dont like that at all.
I never wanted to sell my dirtbike only because i worked for it and i had hopes of giving it to our son or daughter once they were ready for it mainly because i felt so free traveling on it. I want them to experience that wich im sure they will and in a better way. Ive always wanted to give my kids something cool like that but i dont think that was the right thing. What i give them is not going to be a "thing" ive realized.

I wrote this the other day and i dig it
"Born in California with my heart in geographic seperation my appreciation's Brooklyn maybe nearer to Philly and we still pitch in on a party minus the watches and hos with influence from wide coordinants im not defined by my clothes."

My wife is my best friend. She always has been. I always wanted to share everything with her. I am fearlessly in love with this women, this beautiful women.

I love my husband

and my husband loves me.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

A little of the other side

I don't like to think of the past years, and as much as i love to hear your stories, and how happy it makes me to think of how you felt then, it always comes with a lingering thought. My mind is clouded with images of you and another, and as much as i hate thinking about it, I can't. The worst is when a simple sentence, a promise or a tiny reminder brings days and nights of those visions I can't bare with.

I'd rather think of the future and what it holds for us and our love, but I am overwhelmed with bad thoughts and even the way you look at me before a caress takes my mind to a million other times you held that same touch and moment with someone else.

I've forgiven, truly forgiven, but it would be nice for my mind to go forward rather than backward. Would you do that for me, mind? because you're ruining this for me.

GO AWAY, THOUGHTS !!!!!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

My heart knew.

Sometime,06.
"And the conversation previously on pause carried them into the next day
Subconciously dreading her absence.
She is coming back to relive all those beautiful moments.
Understanding bieng the key to the reason we fit so well.
The position we hold is solemly on her.
Wasting no words, everything we say carries meaning.

9:59 p.m (no date)
I wish you were here, your miles away but you face is so clear in my head. I wanna sleep already so that tomorrow comes and the time we spend apart is shortened.

From Here To Here (all the way around the world)(some time late 09)
I don't know if to address it in a he or she fashion but its slowly turning me pale in appreciation. This life has given more than it has taken. Im saving my earnings for this engagment to beauty. I'll refuse to breath before i let this go.