To My Love

It's been a while since I wrote to you. I know we had a rough night and this morning i'm not making anything better. Sometimes i feel like i should keep my thoughts to myself, I feel like I annoy you with all this and for that I am sorry. I hope that these thoughts go away soon and it can be just me and you. I believe that I am special to you and that you can't compare me to anyone. I've never been insecure like this but I think I know what I need to do to get back to where I was. I'm trying to fix this, love. I promise it won't be long til I do. I love you.

p.s. thank you for a wonderful birthday party, you are the best fiance ever.

Common - The Light

G-Love has blessed me with a Wonderful Light that constantly refreshes my heart with Love. Everyday I am more than thankfull for her. Thank you so much G-Love for blessing and Loving us.

Its the 5th day in Our first December and i cannot wait for My Love to get off of work wich will be in about half hour so we can spend some time together next to the Christmas tree.

P.S I bought a hook so we can hang up the reef on the door :). I love you baby. mmmmmmuah!!!

OUR First, Day 2

Yesterday was the first day of OUR first Month Of December together wich is going to be a happy and exciting and busy one. Without thinking much on it we started a Tradition and not only did we buy my first christmas tree (Grandma and Grandpa are Jehovas Witness kids so i didnt have Christmas until now) but we bought and decorated OUR first Tree. Thank you baby so much for sharing your family and your Love and Life with me. I'm excited about Our future and can't wait to share all the beautiful and wonderful things G-Love has allowed us to learn with our Amazing Amazings. We Love you G-Love, thank you for blessing us everyday and making us stronger together and as individuals.

Today was Day 2 of G-Loves birthday commemoration and of course it was a very joyous day. Thank you for filling my fathers heart with love and allowing us to have such a great day, trully amazing.

Si no estoy al lado Mi Amor no estoy solo. Ella vive en Mi Corrazon a travez de el amor de nuestro Creador.

December 1st

A tradition is born, i can't wait to be able to do it with our children. I'm so happy that I get to share my life with this wonderful person. Thank you G-love, this isn't Thanksgiving but I am still and always will be grateful for all of these blessings. December is Your month, the most joyous of all months, thank you for letting us celebrate it with you. MUAH!

Apologies

These past few days have been insane! I just started working again and my son has been sick. But I just wanted to let the future myself know (for when I read this) that the cat (who shall remain nameless) is doing a lot better and it feels really good to start work again. I'm extremely excited for 2011. I feel like My Love and I are going to accomplish a lot within this next year. I can't wait to be busy with school and work! It's going to feel good to put my brain to work again. Well there's a lot of cleaning that needs to be done around the house so I will catch up with you (my future self) later.

p.s. Our love went to Fremont to visit a school he might be going to next year. How exciting!

New Year Resolution

Here's our list: (holidays don't count HA)

1. Only ONE cheat meal a week.
2. Alcoholic drinks twice a week for the first three months, once a week for the next three months.. and so on and so forth.
3. We can't waste money on "dumb" things - meaning we can only buy ONE book after reading the last one we bought.
4. We must take school extremely seriously.
5. Oh, we can't put ourselves in situations where we might get tempted to you-know-what.

Baby I forgot the rest...if you remember any you make a new post okay? By the way, I have an entire other list for myself so you can make one too. My last one said "learn how to braid hair," so you can guess that this one has simple and ridiculous things on it as well. I'm gonna brush my teeth now!

Planning Ahead

All I know is a couple months ago I prayed for my life to turn around. The only thing I had was him. Not that i'm complaining or anything (don't get mad, love).. I lacked motivation, inspiration, weed-ation, no, in all seriousness I was going downhill. The plans for my future were non-existant and all I wanted to do was nothing. I'm quickly starting to feel like myself again and getting back to the glorious feeling of self-discovery, love, motivation and planning. I LOVE planning! I want to learn until my brain explodes because it fits no more random facts in it.

Love, remember when I texted you that my cousin and I had that conversation about how we felt like big losers for not doing anything with our lives? I think things started to turn around THEN. I'm so glad I beat myself up that day because otherwise I would've stayed a vegetable. I'm excited for the next few days and for the next few years. I'm proud of you for doing this with me. I'm so thankful that we have someone to share this with.

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for another year of life; by life i mean EVERYTHING that comes with life. I mean, driving with the sun and a bit of wind blowing my hair onto my face, caressing it a little. And i'm thankful for my husband-to-be. I feel like i've learned so much just by these few months i've had him back in my life. He helps me appreciate things that I might've taken for granted in the past; like the fact that I have an amazing family! I'm thankful for my cat, and all of the material things G-love has provided me with (yes, i just said that). I'm thankful for my relationship with Him and i'm thankful for every gift He's given me, the ability to learn..the yearning for knowledge, the musical taste, and the ability to passionately feel human emotions - even the "bad" ones.

I'm thankful that there is such thing as a Thanksgiving and I hope families take it very seriously to, at least one day out of the year, count their blessings. Although that should be done on a daily basis. Love ya'll.

Start

Our future, the planning has started and i love the feeling.

Word

Appreciation.

My eyes like closed blinds

I'm getting really sleepy and i can hear it in your voice that you are too. Goodnight my Love. I will talk to you in the morning. I Love You.

Shrimp Fettucini

Hello, dear. Just wanted to let you know that you are a wonderful future husband, wonderful dad to our son (yes, the cat), and I am excited to do nothing with you around the house. Technically not nothing WITH you, but nothing with you next to me while you're doing nothing.



Hola mi amor, confio en que los dos vayamos a ser padres bastante buenos para nuestros hijos haci como lo somos ahora con nuestro gato. Esos dias que estemos en casa hacienda nada juntos pero bajo el mismo techo los sueno casi a diario y se me llenan los ojos de lagrimas de el gusto y sentimiento que me da con este amor que Dios nos a dado. Siempre te cantaba nuestra cancion cuando no estabas y haci como lo cantaba lo hice. En un barco de papel volvi por ti mi amor, subete y no me dejes ir. Necesito que me retengas.

Feelin extra blessed today

Sometimes I feel like the words that flow out of my mouth aren't mine.. and when I talk and I educate others I feel like i'm educating myself..like I didn't know any of what I just said. Just as its leaving my mouth, my mind is processing it and it feels so new but at the same time it feels like it's been placed in my mind since birth. Like it's knowledge that's stored in there and its up to me to discover and dismantel it and share it with the world.
We are innately blessed with brains and our purpose should be to attain all of the knowledge, and wisdom possible. The time we spend on this earth should be a journey for wisdom, that by the time we die we should have learned so much..about ourselves, about Love and about His Grace.
The thing is, we all have the ability to do this but only some try to achieve it. Those of us who are aware of our mission have a second mission, and that is to bring other souls to G-love's hands..not out of fear or because we want to save our souls, but out of Love for Him.. When you fall in love with someone you want to be with that person forever..it should be no different with our old man up there.. WE ARE SO BLESSED.

On a second note, my cat is sick.

Soft Hello

"Hi Love, whatre doing?" I Love her voice!!! It makes me really happy. "i hate you."........silence "just kidding baby i love you so much".

Side Notes

I think my mom is a great teacher due to the fact that she tought me a lot of what i know so well to the point where i feel like i can now teach her or at least remind her of somthing that she's been overseeing, forgiveness. I love her very much. I also love my Father and Mother in law.

It was amazing talking with Mony today. He's one of those people I never want to lose contact with.

Talking to the Love of My Life is one of my most favorite things to do. I loooooooove conversating wither. I am so thankfull I have her and her Love for me in my life.

Today was an amazing day and i know ill be saying this for the rest of my life.

 Thank you G-Love for everything you have helped me through and given me and for the love you have implemented in my heart and in the heart of all those who accept it.

My phones ringing, its the Love of My Life :)

When we were 'just friends,'

my fiancé used to say "when i have kids, i want you to raise them." He never said the truth, which was "I want to have your babies," he just said he wanted me to raise them. I think that's awesome. Because now I get to raise and HAVE his babies. By the way, we've decided to stop calling each other 'husband' and 'wife' since we are, in fact, NOT married.. yet. And it takes away from how we are going to feel when we ARE married..and we're allowed to call each other that. It's odd to think of myself without him in my life. It's like sticky glue magically appeared between us. Thanks, sticky glue G-love.

This isn't like me..

I'm not used to planning our weekends days in advance. I'm definitely not used to spending most of my time with the same individual. The thought of it used to make me sick, the thought of having to rely on someone other than me. And I never really gave relationships a chance because the first time I was invited somewhere, like as a couple, was enough to make me realize that I didn't want to be a couple in the first place.
I've realized it's different, though. I mean, we're not like those thirteen year old couples where you have mall dates but your mom comes along, and you try to wear high heels because you feel older.. even though your mom's there. And your boyfriend gives you kisses in front of her and it's completely normal because in Mexico they get married at that age. Whatever. It's not like we're one of those couples, but it's a lot different than i thought. I never thought i would want to spend most of my days with the same boy. I never thought I would invite a boy to family events.. and I definitely never thought I'd go to the Pulga with him in the same car as my parents. It's not about reliance, and it's not about co-dependence. I'm still myself.
I always used to preach to any girl that needed preaching to, (ha) about how you shouldn't rely on a boy.. and you should value your alone time because it is precious and if we can't spend time with ourselves and be comfortable then something is very wrong..and about going after your dreams instead of chasing boys, because they come and go and neither one of them is a reason to get up in the morning. I feel like a big trader because all of this talk about being a single, happy female..i turned out to grow-out of. No, that's not the word. I just found the right person.  and I sincerely hope every girl does..but not before they've learned to love, respect, and depend on only themselves (besides G-love). It's key.

I suppose this isn't like me, but I do like where i'm headed..

I fall asleep too fast

I really want to read the book my wife shared with me. I mean im itching to read it but i know i wont really get the effect id get if i started it on a fresh brain so ill wait eventhough i really dont want to.
I  feel like everything that comes out of my mouth or will come out or leaves the tip of my fingers and on to my phone is mean and i dont like that at all.
I never wanted to sell my dirtbike only because i worked for it and i had hopes of giving it to our son or daughter once they were ready for it mainly because i felt so free traveling on it. I want them to experience that wich im sure they will and in a better way. Ive always wanted to give my kids something cool like that but i dont think that was the right thing. What i give them is not going to be a "thing" ive realized.

I wrote this the other day and i dig it
"Born in California with my heart in geographic seperation my appreciation's Brooklyn maybe nearer to Philly and we still pitch in on a party minus the watches and hos with influence from wide coordinants im not defined by my clothes."

My wife is my best friend. She always has been. I always wanted to share everything with her. I am fearlessly in love with this women, this beautiful women.

I love my husband

and my husband loves me.

A little of the other side

I don't like to think of the past years, and as much as i love to hear your stories, and how happy it makes me to think of how you felt then, it always comes with a lingering thought. My mind is clouded with images of you and another, and as much as i hate thinking about it, I can't. The worst is when a simple sentence, a promise or a tiny reminder brings days and nights of those visions I can't bare with.

I'd rather think of the future and what it holds for us and our love, but I am overwhelmed with bad thoughts and even the way you look at me before a caress takes my mind to a million other times you held that same touch and moment with someone else.

I've forgiven, truly forgiven, but it would be nice for my mind to go forward rather than backward. Would you do that for me, mind? because you're ruining this for me.

GO AWAY, THOUGHTS !!!!!

My heart knew.

Sometime,06.
"And the conversation previously on pause carried them into the next day
Subconciously dreading her absence.
She is coming back to relive all those beautiful moments.
Understanding bieng the key to the reason we fit so well.
The position we hold is solemly on her.
Wasting no words, everything we say carries meaning.

9:59 p.m (no date)
I wish you were here, your miles away but you face is so clear in my head. I wanna sleep already so that tomorrow comes and the time we spend apart is shortened.

From Here To Here (all the way around the world)(some time late 09)
I don't know if to address it in a he or she fashion but its slowly turning me pale in appreciation. This life has given more than it has taken. Im saving my earnings for this engagment to beauty. I'll refuse to breath before i let this go.

Over The Town

Todays Constant

I had this song stuck in my head all day and alls id do was kinda just hum the words to the rythm of the song cause i wasnt sure what the lyrics were so i got home a bit ago and decided to google the lyrics. I was more than amazed and what they say. Its like i subconciously knew.
When your mind is a mess
So is mine
I cant sleep
Cause it hurts when I think
My thoughts aren't at peace
With the plans that we make
Chances we take
They're, not yours and not mine
There's waves that can break
All the words that we say
And the words that we mean
Words can fall short
Can't see the unseen
Cause the world is awake
For somebody's sake now, please close your eyes woman
Please get some sleep

And know that if I knew
All of the answers I would
Not hold them from you'd
Know all the things that i'd know
We told each other, there is no other way

Well too much silence can be misleading
You're drifting I can hear it in the way that your breathing
We don't really need to find reason
Cause out the same door that it came well its leaving its leaving
Leaving like a day that's done and part of a season
Resolve is just a concept that's as dead as the leaves
But at least we can sleep, its all that we need
When we wake we will find
Our minds will be free to go to sleep

And know that if I knew
All of the answers I would
Not hold them from you'd
Know all the things that i'd know
We told each other, there is no other way

I did say i was always alone.

It isnt easy to grow with somebody apart yet together. It takes a few seconds or minutes to get my reactions together and I understand how dreadful that may be.I am not silent cause i ignore but because i think. I love you no matter what.

Home, not a building.

I've found a home that floats with me everywhere i go, in my heart in my thoughts in my soul. I spent the previous 3 days in a state of depression due to the distance and the inability to be able hear or touch my love. Im back now though and simply knowing that she's only 4 minutes away lets me rest at ease. In every traveling experience ive left my heart at home, my true home. My wife, my life, my happiness. Being able to achieve this in life is something beautiful and i will forever be thankfull and in love. This feeling will never die nor will it ever even slightly deminish. I accept this commitment to stay true to this love in more than just the state of fidelity. We are blessed and it doesnt end here. I apologize for the little moments where i cant control myself and i give in but i try and i try hard. I shall share our story with the world. How G-Love blessed me with a life i didnt ask for and a wife i couldn't have described better for me myself. None of this will ever be taken for granted.

Apart

I feel like half of my soul is gone. The sky is an entirely new color tonight, and what I normally love about this weather doesn't feel as good as it should. I used to love alone time, used to go out of my way to have alone time. Alone time never meant I felt alone until now.

But he comes home tomorrow. Home to his wife, home to my arms. I can't wait.

Natural Scents

It's been a couple days and we're doing great. The strength doesn't come from within ourselves, and the reason we're doing so well is because we know home is where the comfort, love, and even the simplest things like a familiar scent, is. It would be too easy to give up; just for half a second, to drown in these worldly pleasures and forget about the things that matter. I'm blessed to have him and I wouldn't ask for anyone, or anything, else. The easiest and most rewarding thing I've done in my entire life has been to truly love this gift that God has given me. Our destiny has been written down, all we're doing is crossing out G-love's checklist. Next on the list, marriage.

Her Perspective

Something I’d never felt, it can’t be helped

Caresses quickly turn into something else

Then what seems like seconds later,

You’re staring at the clock and its

Been hours since you gave up and said yeah, sure

Your mind says not again,

And your conscience tells you not to repeat the sin

But it’s too sweet, too much of a rush

Plus you got the mentality of

Everybody’s doing it, it ain’t too much

But you still know its wrong even if you aint the only one

Hours later you’re wishin you could repeat

At least the moment when you hit your peak

Or so you thought,

Because hours after that you’re thinking what the fuck

Told yourself it wouldn’t happen again

Now you’re sittin here wishing you could pretend

you were able to resist it and its trend

Although its something I’d never felt,

It’s gonna have to be helped.

And a caress is simply that,

Shouldn’t be turned to something else.

Nothing Grey

He gave us something so special so one of a kind. We have something everybody longs for and figuring out how to really appreciate it is part of this journey. Its easy to take something new for granted if you dont take the time to disect and understand it completely. Not only do i feel selfish at the moment but i also feel like ive disrespected what G-Loves given us and like ive disrespected My Love. I didnt mean to. Being "only human" is a tired excuse and i know it but i fall due to it and G-Love you know i try. I know you know just how much i appreciate what you have done for me and the people i love. Forgive me father. I am so in Love and the ultimate feeling of affection is tempting beyond my control and so i try time and time again to contain myself often failing. All i want is to feel her that close to me and i know you'd approve if the timing were right. Again i apologize and i thank you. I can wait until the time is appropriate. Thank you for giving me someone so beautiful in mind and body who teaches me about you and myself everyday. I couldn't have described the perfect partner any better than this. You knew what i needed better than i do. My creator, I love you.

Meet Me In Montauk

This home smells so familiar. I've broken into this building while it was abandoned time and time again, alone. This is where ive built my love my art my creativity my every fucking little thing that has any remote meaning, this is where i stored it and now the only person who's made the cut in the audition of comfort and genuine Love has found her way back into this home and we begin where we left off, building us this home this surrounding this world perfect for us.